The Dilemma of Eating Chicken

By now most people are aware that factory farmed animals are shot full of antibiotics routinely throughout their lives. This is also true of chickens, pigs, cattle and other eatable critters. But since I don't raise the latter, I'll just mention chickens. The afore scenario is not so with the friendly back yard chicken.
Backyard chickens are a growing phenomenon, and are now (mostly) legally kept everywhere throughout the US. It's a lifestyle that is much better for the chickens, and better for those who eat the eggs. Each time I see one of our hens racing around the yard, chasing who knows what, I'm happy she can do that. Her sisters in battery cages cannot; her sisters raised "free cage" cannot.

So raising one's own eggs in an humane way is easy and healthy and fun. Chickens are hilarious! But I've been wondering about the dead/cut-up/ready to eat chickens I purchase at the store. I feel like a hypocrite for putting those chickens through the torment that is their lives just so that I can eat them.
Am I ready to be vegetarian? Nope, I'm not. And so I'm uneasy purchasing meat.
By way of internet, I know there's a growing trend of backyard poultry butchering. Am I ready for this? Um.. don't think so. And yet to feed myself, I put a chicken through the harrowing process that is its life.
I feel like a hypocrite.
I've been thinking about taking a class regarding butchering chickens. Could I do this? Probably not. Yet. I had a hen die, knew that she would die, thought about ending her misery, but couldn't bring myself to do it. But still, the ideas pops into my head quite often.
I'm hoping to take a hands-on class with Ginger next year perhaps. A hands-on approach if I can screw up my courage. I think it would help to quit naming our chickens.

***What do you think? Could you kill and prepare your own meat? Would this be easier knowing it had lived its life as a contented chicken?